Finite(Twilight One-Shot)
by LaRomanceWriter
Summary: What would have happened if Edward never turned Bella into a vampire, if they never had their kid? Find out in this parody of Twilight!


_Our scene opens up in a house in the woods near from Seattle. In this particular house two people sit down together on a rocking chair in the front porch. These two people are a 75 year-OLD WOMAN and a YOUNG MAN once again bickering endlessly about their current love life._

 **Old Woman** \- I just don't understand why you won't turn me into a vampire already!

 **Young Man** \- We've been over this a million times Bella, I don't want you to lose your soul.

 **Bella** \- Lose my soul? I've already lost my mind! I'm still a stupid virgin, I've been literally waiting for you my whole life, and you're going to kill yourself as soon as you die!

 **Young Man** \- Bella-

 **Bella** \- Edward, I've had enough! I think I know why you won't turn me now- because you don't want an old hag like me!

 **Edward** \- No, you're still the same Bella I met all those years ago!

 **Bella** \- Am I? Everyone I know is dead, I wasted my life, and all I wanted was you- bah! I'm old, and I'm going to die and you'll be left wishing you'd turned me long ago so you could finally get some son!

 **Edward** \- I love you the way you are. Stop saying that.

 **Bella** \- No, no you don't! You loved the young me. Now I'm old and I have arthritis, and all we do is make out, which has been less and less lately. You don't like the fell of old lady lips!

 **Edward** ( _visibly uncomfortable_ )-Not true! I love your lips.

 **Bella** \- My young, round, fresh lips. If you turned me now, I know you'd be a laughingstock.

 **Edward** \- I don't care about what anyone else thinks! I just don't want you to lose your soul

 **Bella** \- you're just too scared of commitment. Fine. We're over. And after so many years…

 **Edward** \- NO! I can't live without you!

 **Bella** \- ( _stands up and crosses her arms_ ) Nope, I'll just go up and die right now.

 **Edward** \- What do you-

 _BELLA dramatically falls onto the floor, clutching her chest._

 _EDWARD drops to the floor and grabs BELLA's body. He puts his head on her chest. There is no heartbeat._

 **Edward** -( _Crying_ ) NOOOOOOO! BELLA! Why did you have to die on me like that!

 _EDWARD pulls out a cell phone and calls ALICE, his most trusted sister._

 **Edward** ( _panicked_ )- Alice, Bella is dead!

 **Alice** \- ( _As a voice offstage)_ I know. I can see the future.

 **Edward** \- why didn't you tell me she'd die today! I could've stopped it!

 **Alice** \- she was old and the plot demanded I couldn't tell you.

 **Edward** \- Kill me.

 **Alice** \- Edward, if you didn't want her to die, you should've made her into a vampire.

 **Edward** \- But I-

 **Alice** \- didn't want her to lose her soul, right. Well, I scheduled some therapy; Jasper's on his way to stop you from killing yourself.

 **Edward** \- ( _sniffles_ ) but what about…?

 **Alice** \- she's dead, you'll find someone else. Suck it up.

* * *

 _Intermission_

* * *

 _EDWARD lays on top of the fallen body of BELLA, crying. Just then JASPER's car pulls up from the right side of the stage. JASPER gets out and approaches the sobbing EDWARD._

 **Jasper** \- ( _kicks BELLA's body, breaking some of the ribs_ )( _thinking_ ) Old hag finally died, huh?

 **Edward** \- Don't you dare call her an old hag!

 **Jasper** \- ( _aloud_ ) sorry dude. Should've turned her old butt decades ago.

 **Edward** \- ( _furious_ ) YOU KNOW WHY-

 **Jasper** -( _annoyed_ ) just get in the stupid car. You didn't really want her, and you couldn't think of a way to break up with her. Aging her out was the best thing you could think of.

 **Edward** -( _defeated_ ) Yeah, you're right.

 **Jasper** \- I know I am. On the bright side, you don't have to be next to a walking cheeseburger all the time.

 **Edward** -( _grins_ ) True, true.

Bella-( _wakes up from the dead and sits up_ ) IS THAT WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF ME!?

 _BELLA proceeds to slap EDWARD before dying once again  
_

 **Jasper-** That was really weird. I'm going to pretend I never saw that.

 **Edward** \- Agreed.

 **Jasper** \- We should probably bury her or do something to get rid of her body.

 **Edward** \- Well, at least let me suck all her blood before we do anything.

 **Jasper** -( _raises hands in mock defeat_ ) The old woman's all yours!

 _EDWARD leans down and begins to suck up all of BELLA's blood. When he's done, he stands up and sighs in satisfaction_.

 **Edward** \- that was delicious.

 **Jasper** \- She smelled delicious. Now get in the car and burn this stupid place to the ground.

 **Edward** -( _salutes_ ) Will do.

 _EDWARD proceeds to drag BELLA inside the house. He then takes out a lighter and JASPER takes out some gasoline. They splash the house with gas, and EDWARD lights it up._

 **Edward** ( _with a voice filled with remorse as he watches the house burn_ )- I'm sorry I wasted your life. I never really loved you.

 **Bella** -( _as a ghost_ ) GO TO HELL!

 **Edward** \- Only those who can die can ever go there!

 **Jasper** ( _looks at EDWARD with a shocked face_ )-You have no respect for the dead.

 _EDWARD shrugs. They walk to the car, get in, and don't look back._

* * *

 **I wrote this a while ago for a class, and I still got a kick out of this parody. Thouht I'd upload it and see your guys' reactions. :)  
**

 **Too busy right now to write the next serious story, so be content for now, as I'm going on a trip :D I'll write it ASAP.**


End file.
